I had to start with a foodie blog – how predictable. I feel like I’ve harped on about myself so many times now but I guess it wouldn’t be fair to withhold just how kooky I have been … can be … desire not to be one day….
But, like all sensible approaches - it's absolutely not point trying to change if you don't first take stock of where you are. It's all common sense - how can you change what you don't acknowledge as being a problem worth changing? I won't deny I've made huge changes since this time in my life, but here it is in all its gory glory.
I’ll try and make this brief and to the point; if there is
anything particularly stupid that anyone has done with regards to food and
diets – I’ve been there and have many different sized t-shirts to prove it.
I’ll try to highlight only those points that I think are relevant;
·
Growing
up I ate anything that was put in front of me. My favourite family meal of all
time was when Mum (sorry about this Ma) boiled the living hell out of large
chunks of white potato, teaming them on a dinner plate with a
once-frozen-in-a-box (yes a box!!!)-but-now-grilled lamb chop with perhaps a
blob of melted cheddar cheese on top to fancy it up a little. The really
special bit was when that sneaky potato soaked up some of the boiled water only
to spit it out on my plate a bit later on, making the whole meal look like it
was swimming in a murky, milky mess. My second favourite was my Grandma’s
boiled celery with cheese sauce on top. As you can see, fine-food is in my
blood.
·
I
was not over-weight as a child. Maybe a little heavy at times but well within
what I would call a normal range.
·
I
left home and introduced myself to fast-food. I gave no thought whatsoever to
whether Fillet O Fish was actually real fish – I only knew that it tasted most
excellent with a layer of fries smeared in the free McD’s ketchup (a-ha – bet you
didn’t know about that!! They don’t tell anyone but it’s a hidden beauty they
hide behind the counter, only to be released on demand) added to the mix.
·
I got Hepatitis B in my early 20’s and dropped about 5 kilos while turning steadily yellow. Nobody seemed disconcerted at my sunny-coloured eyes, but they commented readily on how great I looked minus the kilos. It dawned on me like a concrete block that I must have looked like shit before the illness-induced diet. I made myself a promise that I’d not return to pre-sick weight and I relished my new-found stardom. I took up chewing gum and smoking fags as a way to keep hunger at bay.
I got Hepatitis B in my early 20’s and dropped about 5 kilos while turning steadily yellow. Nobody seemed disconcerted at my sunny-coloured eyes, but they commented readily on how great I looked minus the kilos. It dawned on me like a concrete block that I must have looked like shit before the illness-induced diet. I made myself a promise that I’d not return to pre-sick weight and I relished my new-found stardom. I took up chewing gum and smoking fags as a way to keep hunger at bay.
·
I
started taking a horrendously intense look at food and calorie and kilojoules
and rules and diets and all things skinny. I found out some fabulous facts that
I could centre my life around and – by-George – they worked!! Here are my top 8;
o
Fruits
are sugar. Sugar is bad. Don’t eat fruit.
o
Bread
is sugar in a bad disguise. Don’t eat bread or anything that includes bread.
o
Carrots
are orange-sugar – see above.
o
Milk
is white sugar.
o
Vegetables
are good if they are green so consume as many as you can stomach. Dry retching
is the best penance and means you are doing well.
o
Meat
is negligible. Eat it a bit when you absolutely have to.
o
Fennell
is brilliant. I’ll tell you why a little later.
o
Oranges
are def sugar but they are a better form of sugar so eat as many as you want –
up to a few kilos per day if need be and blame turning yellow on this
orange-habit.
·
I
found the wonderful world of laxative bars. One a day seemed to do the trick
nicely. Actually – too nicely some days. I was grateful that I was quite an
agile runner at that time. This bar was a fennel flavour and even to this day
(some 20 years later) I CANNOT STAND the smell of fennel.
·
Fast
forward a year or two and I was now dangerously thin. I quit my job to
concentrate more on dieting. It was seriously tiring so I moved back home. My
Mum cried buckets. She asked Jesus to help. He might have helped a little but I
fought Him the whole way.
·
And
then the tables turned. My hunger grew too huge so I re-introduced myself to
food. But somehow my little appetite switch got turned off in the confusion and
I had no “stop” button. My favourite foods of all turned out to be, in no
particular order; muesli, sultanas, raisins, dried figs, nuts, bread, jam and
condensed milk. I drank the condensed milk straight out of the can through two
little holes that I would puncture into the lid – glossy, creamy goodness!! I
put on weight. Who would have thought??
·
Fast
forward again and I’m a nicely rounded fat arse who has no idea what the hell
just happened or how to get back to ‘normal’ – whatever the hell normal was.
·
I
tried Weight Watchers. Nil success. But I do have a little tip for beginners.
It’s a secret thing I made up and I’m
sure no one else knows about it. Prior to the first weigh in I would go nuts!!
Eat anything and everything and I wouldn’t stop until I had to and it would be
an epic night. This ensured that, while weigh in #1 would be fairly ordinary,
week #2 would be crazy good!!!! Oh what a high dropping a gazillion kilos at
once!! Week 3 … not so much. Week 4 … already looking for a new gimmick to try.
·
I
tried Jenny Craig. Didn’t go through with signing up after realising I had to
actually meet a real-live counsellor – eek!!
·
I
moved to Africa and mingled with people that truly had to work to eat. No
government hand-outs. No huge supermarkets with a pile of variety. No food
regulations to ensure high standards. Just village people eating whatever they
had and making no fuss about it. I came back down to earth in a thud and my
body thanked me for it. I developed a real taste for bbq’d maize cobs.
·
I
joined the police and managed to regulate my input with my output and I learned
to lever up or down with piles of cardio activities – mainly running at a
steady state for miles and miles while day-dreaming about not having to run. I
loved/hated running but realised it was a necessary evil for someone who loved
their food. My food habits were sort of ‘normal’ by this stage and most days I
had weetbix for brekkie, sandwich for lunch, pasta/potato/bread and vegies and
meat for dinner with fruit and other nibbles for snacks. I would probably blow
out most weekends with a good taste for wine, nibbles and drunken fast-food –
dripping cheese-and-onion toasted sandwiches being my all-time favourite.
·
I
was introduced to weight training in 2010 while working remote and it was scary
how quickly I agreed to drop the cardio. But I still refused to change my food
habits or even look at the health aspects of nutrition. I was happily munching
on the usual family meals from my bag of everyday tricks; spag bol, mac cheese,
bangers and mash, fish pie, pasta and stirfry – absolutely nothing wrong with
any of them.
·
In
2012 I started training for a bodybuilding show and was forced (if I wanted
success) to change my habits. All of sudden I became familiar with food
combinations that I had not even considered once before; oats, protein powder,
chicken breasts, lentils, cous cous, screeds of all-things-green, cottage
cheese, tofu ….. I loved it but balked badly at the prep time.
·
Shades
of obsession came back and I found myself counting and controlling and
justifying my choices – mainly to myself. Bodybuilding gave me a legitimate way
to see-saw my weight and I got pretty good at it. But something in me
knew/knows it isn’t healthy, despite hiding it behind such a great sport.
·
I’ve
heard/read/listened to screeds of information on nutrition and have settled on
a way that suits me and my family. It is fairly simplistic and I’ll go into it
more in a future blog.
·
For
now, I’ll make these points;
o
I
use minimal (and I really mean minimal)
supplements
o
I
do believe that what you eat and when you eat it will help immensely in fat control
o
I
think knowing too much about too many things can be a definite hindrance for
busy minds
o
I
think it’s all too freakin complicated – eat less and move more works for
anyone starting out – let’s not mix up lean strategies of a bodybuilder with
fat-loss strategies for the everyday person
o
Choices
are everything and they are one thing that everyone
has power over
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